Adoption more storybook than textbook

Shod Bogdan did not know he was adopted until he was in the fourth grade.

His classmates at Macon’s Martin Luther King Jr. Elementary School started asking him about it one day at lunch. So his teacher suggested that Kali Bogdan go ahead and have a heart-to-heart talk with him.

She was cooking supper when he approached her.

“Mom, am I adopted?” 

They sat down. She explained.

“I was scared he would get mad at me,’’ she said. “I told him his mom wasn’t able to take care of him when he was sick, and Grandma (Kali’s mother) took him in. When the judge said she was too old, I adopted him. 

“He jumped up, threw his arms around my neck and said:  ‘Thank you!’ ’’

The subject had never come up.

“It was kind of like the Santa Claus thing,’’ she said. “Honestly, the Santa Claus thing was a harder conversation because I had made it so believable. He was devastated.’’

November is National Adoption Month. Of the estimated 365,000 children in the U.S. foster care system, approximately 108,000 are eligible for adoption.

Shod is now 20 years old and a 2024 graduate of Mary Persons High School. He works as a service clerk at Ingles Market in Forsyth.

His adoption was more storybook than textbook. It followed an improbable script.

Kali, who is single, ended up with an adopted son … and a little brother.

Her mother, Fran Bogdan, has been a widow for 35 years. She was blessed with an adopted son … and grandson.

Yes, the dynamics of this family tree are a little complicated.

Fran took in Shod as an infant. He was hospitalized at the Medical Center with respiratory problems. She was a volunteer with a mentoring program through the Department of Family and Children Services (DFACS).

“His mother brought him to the hospital,’’ Fran said. “He was 2 weeks old and hooked up to everything. She said she couldn’t take care of him and left. He coded a few times. That’s when DFACS stepped in. They needed somebody to sit with him at the hospital a few hours a day. I was retired, so I had the time.’’

After his medical condition improved, she took him home and became his foster parent. Kali and her three older sisters grew attached to him. Kali would take him to church and hold him in her lap.

“All he knew was us,’’ Fran said. “I tried to legally adopt him when he was 3 years old. But I was 70, and the judge said I was too old.’’

Kali worked at Butler Lexus. She was surprised when a social worker asked if she would consider adopting Shod.

“My first question was why would she let a single, white female adopt a black male,’’ Kali said. “She said all he needs is love, protection and someone to care for him. I said I can do that. But I also felt he was going to need a father. I was very concerned about that.’’

She agreed to sign the adoption papers with the understanding that she would keep working, and her mother would continue to take care of Shod.

Fran was later requested to foster another boy, a 10-month-old African-American child from Fort Valley.

His name was Brandon. He was born with cerebral palsy. He had been medically categorized as “failure to thrive.’’

 “I was told he might not live, and we needed to be prepared for that,’’ Kali said. “He cried all the time. He wouldn’t eat. I honestly thought he was deaf and blind when she brought him home. He didn’t respond well.’’

But Shod was thrilled with the prospect of having a baby brother.

“He was so excited he jumped in the car when we brought Brandon home and said, ‘He looks just like me!’ ’’ Fran said.

Shod moved in with Kali so her mother could devote herself full-time to looking after Brandon. Kali placed Shod in daycare so she could continue working.

“My life got put on hold,’’ she said. “It was all about him. But you’ve got to help somebody who needs help. My mom raised me to be that way. She is a servant and a giver.’’

Fran later decided to try the adoption route with Brandon, even though she had not been granted the adoption with Shod three years earlier.

“When his mother lost her parental rights, she told the very same judge (Tom Matthews) that if she couldn’t have him, she wanted my mom to have him,’’ Kali said. “So the judge let my mom adopt him.’’ 

Although Kali, 58, has never married, she said she had entertained thoughts about adopting children.

“I always wanted to have the husband, the house, the dog, the fence,’’ she said. “I wanted to have children of my own, but I also wanted to bring others into our family.’’

Life with Shod hasn’t been a walk in the park. There have been some turbulent stretches. Kali said her adopted son has had to overcome emotional and behavioral issues. 

“We couldn’t find a medicine that worked,’’ she said. “I didn’t know where to put him. It was tough by myself.’’

She said a “hundred times a day” she would ask herself “why did I sign up for this and how do I get out of it?’’

She left Bibb County and moved to Forsyth.

“It was completely a God thing,’’ she said. “We turned it around with lots of prayers and counseling. We never gave up. He has come way farther than I thought he would. He makes me so proud.’’

Kali was a star basketball player at Tattnall Square Academy and was inducted into the school’s athletic hall of fame in 2015. She went on to play college basketball at Mercer.

She laughed and said her love of sports never rubbed off on her   son.

“He has zero of my influences,’’ she said. “It’s a big joke. I always dreamed of having a son. I wanted to be the sports mom. I wanted to be at all the football, basketball and baseball games, then take all the boys out for ice cream. And I get Mr. Music over there.’’

They have figured out how to make it work. She takes Shod to concerts, and he goes with her to sporting events.

Brandon, now 17, has endured a number of medical challenges and will graduate from Mary Persons in the spring.

At age 87, Fran still cares for him and drives him to many of his doctor appointments.

She raised four daughters. Having a son has been a brave new world.

And although she is technically old enough to be Brandon’s great-grandmother, she said she would “do it all over again.’’

“I think God has a good sense of humor,’’ she said.