Time to win one for the tooter: Setting a new world record for kazoos in Macon

For the record, I do not hold any records. I have not eaten 26,000 Big Macs in my lifetime or held my breath for 13 minutes and 45 seconds. I cannot assemble a Mr. Potato Head in 12.11 seconds or let out a belch that registers 107 decibels. 

I am a simple man. I drive an old truck. I cut my grass. I tell dad jokes. I don’t have any tattoos. I attend a prayer breakfast every Thursday. I have been told I make a mean smashburger. At night, I fall asleep in my chair watching TV.

So, no, I’m not out there trying to juggle chainsaws or grow the largest blueberry on the planet. The closest I’m going to get to a Guinness is if I order a cold one from the bar.

But the Grisamores do have a Guinness World Record holder in our family. My second cousin, Joseph Grisamore, who lives in Minnesota, holds the men’s record for the tallest mohawk spike at 4 feet, 2 inches.

Joe took home the crown – no pun intended – in 2019. My grandchildren think he’s a rock star even though they’ve never met him. 

Go ahead and Google “Joseph Grisamore.” I know you want to find out more about a guy who didn’t get a haircut for 15 years. Watching him walk through his front door is must-see TV. 

Just to be clear, there is no record envy in the Grisamore family. I’m not a thrill-seeking, mark-breaking kind of guy. 

Full disclosure, though. I have been part of two world record attempts. 

I wasn’t alone. I was at Luther Williams Field, along with a couple of thousand other folks on the night of Sept. 27, 2007. They passed out kazoos imprinted with “Kazoo World Record.” (I still have mine.)

It was the night the City of Macon – the self-touted birthplace of the kazoo – collectively tried to set the world record for “largest kazoo band” at the Georgia State Fair. 

We came.

We saw.

We tooted “(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay’’ with a chorus of kazoos.

We were rockin’ on the dockin’ … Otis would have been proud.

Too bad we came up a few notes short. 

The record of  2,679 had been set nine months earlier in Rochester, New York. Not to make excuses, but a bad storm passed through Macon about an hour before our kazoo concert and no doubt cut into the attendance.

 The grandstand was almost full, though, which would have put the attendance at around 3,500 … enough to secure the record. Unfortunately, the official number of signatures collected at the gate barely topped 2,000. 

The silver lining was folks turned out from 53 Georgia cities and 11 states, as far away as California and New York.

 By the following year, a new record of 3,840 had been established in Greenville, South Carolina, and Macon struck up the kazoo band again. 

If at first, you don’t succeed …  

Only this time was not nearly as memorable. There was considerably less enthusiasm the second time around. The official count was only 717. We bombed.

Given Macon’s rich musical heritage, it would have been cool to lay claim to the record, even if there always seems to be another city out there trying to one-up the reigning champ. 

The current record of 5,190 was set on March 14, 2011, at the Royal Albert Hall in London. It still stands 14 years later, so it has been untouched for a while.

That’s where you and I come in. On National Kazoo Day next week (Jan. 28), officials at Visit Macon will announce a third attempt at the world record.  

After almost 17 years, we’re getting another chance, folks. 

Redemption.

It’s time to toot our horns again.

The record-setting attempt has been scheduled for Friday, March 28 at the Atrium Health Amphitheater as part of the Cherry Blossom Festival. That’s the last day of school before spring break for Bibb County schools, so everyone should be in a festive mood. 

The gates will open at 4 p.m. and the party will start at 6 p.m. Tickets are $5 per person, which includes a souvenir kazoo and a keepsake “I Was There” card will be available at the exits, providing we smash the record.  

The amphitheater’s seating capacity is 10,000, and Visit Macon organizers have ordered 10,000 kazoos for the big event. If a capacity crowd shows up, BYOK (Bring Your Own Kazoo) might be a provisional plan for the late arrivals.

 It is anticipated the Kazoo band will play a medley from the works of Otis Redding, The Allman Brothers, Little Richard and possibly James Brown.

Once the songs are selected – and approved by Guinness – they will be released in advance so people can start practicing. 

Me? I’m feeling some “Dock of the Bay” vibes, of course, mixed with either “Ramblin’ Man” or “Whipping Post’’ from the ABB.

 Throw in some “Tutti Frutti” or “Good Golly, Miss Molly’’ for good measure. If James Brown makes the cut, “I Got You (I Feel Good)” might win the People’s Choice award, but let’s not forget Brown’s first hit record, “Please, Please, Please” was recorded in Macon.

If the Godfather of Soul were still with us, he would make it a “Pretty Please.’’

Please mark March 28 on your calendar.

Please show up and show your support.

Please practice playing your kazoo (all you have to do is hum)  and get ready to have some fun. 

Let’s win one for the tooter.

Ed Grisamore is a kazoo enthusiast, as well as the dean of Macon newspaper columnists.